I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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