It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
