Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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