Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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