Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
