I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
