i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize