New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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