Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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