Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize