So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
