i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
