You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
