She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
