I'm really into asian looking animals
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
