Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
