I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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