i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
