he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
