Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
