I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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