I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
