did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize