highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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