That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
