I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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