he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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