I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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