Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we're making bets on your personal life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
