I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
