Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
