We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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