FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
