It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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