singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
