I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
