I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize