Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
