She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize