I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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