I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
