What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
