Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
