I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
