That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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