he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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