Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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