I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
