dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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