I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
