somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
