STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
