I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
