I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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