Someone shit on the floor
I just cut my nipple shaving
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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