I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
