I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
