Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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