this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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