he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
