if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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