Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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