There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
