Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
