Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
