Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
