my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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