At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize