You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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